The Twin That Got Away: Understanding Twin Separation Anxiety Among University Students

By Leili Arya

When people think of twins, the first association is often sameness—whether in appearance, behavior, or life experiences. Identical twins, in particular, are regarded as uniquely bonded, but fraternal twins often share strong emotional ties as well (Segal, 2017). Growing up, twins are used to moving through life together—sharing classrooms, friends, and sometimes even identities. So when university comes and twins are suddenly separated, the experience can feel like losing a piece of oneself.

Research supports this: twins often rely on each other as primary attachment figures, and separation can trigger distress resembling separation anxiety or even grief (Tancredy & Fraley, 2006). Large-scale studies show that separation timing matters: twins who stay together longer in childhood tend to report fewer depressive symptoms later on, while those who move or separate earlier may be more vulnerable to internalizing problems (Martikainen et al., 2024).

So how can university twins navigate this difficult transition?

1. Listen to Your Body

Sadness, tension, or the urge to cry are natural responses. Suppressing tears or emotional expression has been linked to poorer outcomes, including difficulty identifying feelings (alexithymia) and worsening mental health (Gross & Levenson, 1997). For twins, the urge to cry may not just be about missing a sibling—it may be the body’s way of signaling that an attachment bond is under strain.

2. Stay Connected

Even if you and your twin now live in different states or countries, regular communication helps buffer against loneliness and anxiety. Research consistently shows that social support plays a protective role against stress (Cohen & Wills, 1985). For twins specifically, maintaining contact reinforces attachment bonds and reduces the risk of depression during separation (Martikainen et al., 2024).

3. Reframe Shared Rituals

Twin separation may feel like grief. Neurobiological evidence shows that social loss activates the same brain regions as physical pain (Eisenberger et al., 2003). For this reason, continuing certain rituals you once did with your twin—studying at a café, exercising, or watching your favorite show—can ease the transition. Instead of avoiding these activities because they feel bittersweet, reframe them as ways to honor your connection while building independence.

4. Name the Emotion

Psychological studies show that labeling emotions reduces distress and calms the brain’s fear circuits (Lieberman et al., 2007). Ask yourself: Am I sad? Anxious? Lonely? Naming what you feel—and journaling about it—helps you process the separation. For twins, whose identities are often deeply intertwined, separating out your own emotions from those of your twin is a crucial step in individuation (Tancredy & Fraley, 2006).

The Myth and Meaning of “Twin Telepathy”

Popular culture loves the idea of twin telepathy. While there’s no scientific evidence for literal telepathy, research shows that twins often develop heightened empathy and emotional attunement to each other because of their shared environment and intertwined development (Segal, 2017). This is why even at a distance, twins may feel each other’s emotions.

Being raised as “two halves of a whole” and then suddenly cut apart by university life can feel like torture. Yet research also shows that separation can be a catalyst for growth. In fact, individuation—the process of forming a sense of self apart from one’s twin—is an important developmental milestone, and temporary distance can actually strengthen twin bonds over time (Neyer, 2002; Tancredy & Fraley, 2006).

Final Thoughts

For twins experiencing separation anxiety: your feelings are real and even supported by psychological research. The distress you feel is not just “missing someone”—it reflects deep attachment and developmental bonds. By listening to your body, staying connected, reframing rituals, and naming your emotions, you can transform separation into an opportunity for growth.

Remember: your twin bond is enduring, and this season of distance may make your relationship stronger than ever.

References (with links for review)

• Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310–357. Link

• Eisenberger, N. I., Lieberman, M. D., & Williams, K. D. (2003). Does rejection hurt? An fMRI study of social exclusion. Science, 302(5643), 290–292. Link

• Gross, J. J., & Levenson, R. W. (1997). Hiding feelings: The acute effects of inhibiting negative and positive emotion. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 106(1), 95–103. Link

• Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., & Way, B. M. (2007). Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421–428. Link

• Martikainen, K., Sipilä, N., Raevuori, A., Kaprio, J., & Silventoinen, K. (2024). Age at twin separation and adolescent residential mobility in relation to depressive symptoms: FinnTwin12 cohort study. BMC Public Health, 24, 1331. Link

• Neyer, F. J. (2002). Twin relationships in old age: A developmental perspective. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 19(2), 155–177. Link

• Segal, N. L. (2017). Twin mythconceptions: False beliefs, fables, and facts about twins. Academic Press. Publisher page

• Tancredy, C. M., & Fraley, R. C. (2006). The nature of adult twin relationships: An attachment‐theoretical perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 90(1), 78–93. Link